Thursday, February 2, 2012

Everybody's Changing

Today has been quite a day. My J started swim lessons today. I forgot the camera! Pictures will come later.

There are 6 students in his class and the other 5 are girls. J hates to wash his hair and will not attempt or even think about laying down in the tub. I felt like swimming lessons now would be a good way to prepare him for fun at the pool this summer, but I was quite nervous that he would freak out at least once during his lesson. I was wrong to be nervous. My little boy is a Champ! He had the time of his life. I watched him, mostly from a distance as I wandered around the pool with his baby brother. Baby B seemed convinced that he should also be in the water AND that if he just walked around the pool for long enough I would get bored and stop paying attention and he would be able to slip into the pool- his favorite place to attempt diving into the pool- the 8 foot section. B will get his turn, he is signed up for Mommy and Me swim lessons next month. So, as I wandered around the pool, contemplating the need for someone to watch B while I take J to his swim lessons, I saw J learning how to kick, playing ring around the roses,  and floating on his back- WITH NO SCREAMING. He refused to shower after the class was over, and gave me a heart attach when he disappeared in the locker room. I eventually found, I heard laughing coming from a long locker. I will check lockers first next time.

I read a lot of blog posts today, from both family and friends, I read mostly about sick little babies in hospitals. It made me sad and grateful. Grateful that I can hold my children, grateful that whatever medical issues we've had, they have been quickly dealt with. I'm grateful that I know that God Lives and that he cares, he loves me- even with all my imperfections and he loves those practically perfect children too. On one of those blog posts I read  a quote from Neal A Maxwell- "Faith also includes Trust in God's Timing". Why do babies get sick? Why did the contractors that built my home not build it to code? Why did God tell us so clearly that this is where we needed to be? Why am I completely unable to keep my house clean? Why won't my knee stop hurting? I know that these questions have answers, I may or may not ever know the answers but I have faith, I know God is good and he is watching over us and I have peace in my heart over most of those things (I cry a lot when I think about sick babies still, I think that is pretty normal for a mother, even though I am not the sick babies mother, I think lots of people would agree with that).

So today I had fun with my boys, I experiences tiny moments of pure joy with them. Then we came home to our messy house and the anxiety started to get to me. But I've been trying to do my best to tell it to go away. So my house is messy- so are lots of other homes. I have have children who know I love them and one of them told me today that I was his Favorite Mommy- my heart grew 10 sizes. I also made 6 pizza crusts and 24 mini pizza crusts (for the big game). And I listened to this song, over and over and over again.

I like this song a lot. I think the part that is resonating with me today is this

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

It is sad to me, to watch my neighbors struggle. We have major issues to be dealt with, and some people won't be able to deal with them and feel or even know that they will have to leave, possibly in financial ruin, others don't want to even try. I know God lead us here for a reason and he has made it possible for us to stay here and feel comfortable about our situation. We may end up living in an unsalable house for the rest of our lives, but if we do I hope that I can continue to have faith in his timing and purposes.

So, hopefully I will get mess tamed- tonight or tomorrow, or next week. Hopefully. Until then I will try to remember that I am doing my best, and I will revel in the little moments of joy.

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