Monday, February 13, 2012


At times and in certain seasons of my life, I've kind of felt like an ugly duckling. I think that is a pretty common way to feel and I bet there are a lot of people who could and would say the same about themselves. I've never had amazing control over my body. I walk into walls- I see it, I know I should move to the left or right to avoid it, but there are times that I just can't before I hit that wall. I have bruises all the time and 99% of them I have no recollection of how they got there- but I am willing to bet that 99% of the time I also said "Well, that's going to bruise" when it happened. It's all good, it's that kind of lack of control that makes me ME!

Over the past few years of my life I have proven to myself that I can do hard things. I had a baby and I did it with out anesthesia. I knew I couldn't do it on my own so I found help and I prepared myself and in the end I had a baby. I did that. I'm proud of that. I decided that I was going to take control of my health and my weight. I figured out how I was going to do it, running. I set goals. I met those goals. I ran two half marathons last year (actually 4- I ran 13.1 miles just for fun a couple of times). I did that! I am proud of that. I started my own little business last year. A direct sales business. And Wow, it's hard for me. But I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that I am pretty good at speaking to groups of strangers and I am pretty creative when it comes to accessorizing. I hate making phone calls to people who I am not sure want to talk to me- BUT- I don't think anyone likes doing that. Anyway. I LOVE when I can make people happy- and I seem to be able to, whether it be by teaching them how they can make one necklace work 3 or 4 different ways or helping them to get a whole bunch of jewelry for a little bitty amount of cash. I really like that. I'm proud of that.

And over the past year I feel like I've blossomed. Physically. I've gone from a size 14 to a size 6. I still don't wear make up too often (because I haven't figured out how to wear it and not feel like a toddler painted my face) but I look at myself and I say- "Hey, that's me!" I mentioned once before that I see in the mirror now what I always thought I looked like in my head. I match my self image now- and that's pretty fun. I've blossomed! Who would have thought a woman in her mid 3o's could? I never did.

So, that was last year. This year I set myself some new goals. Spiritual Goals, Physical Goals, Work Goals, even house Cleaning/Chore Goals. My Spiritual Goals are going along quite nicely, I think I'm doing okay with my Cleaning/Chore Goals. My Work Goals are taking a while to build up steam, which is getting a little frustrating, but I'm keeping the faith. And my Physical Goals are not being met. I pushed it too hard at the end of last year and I hurt my knee. It is very sad. It still hurts and I don't want to push it and injure myself even more so I have not run in close to 6 weeks. My knee still hurts, and I am not completely sure why. I was impressed a couple of weeks ago to start swimming. "Swimming is great exercise", my mind told me, "and it won't hurt your knee anymore than it already is. It will be a great complimentary exercise to have in your routine." It made sense. I was excited to start. I have NO IDEA how to swim but I saw lots of people doing it at the pool during J's swim lessons. How hard could it be?

Well, today I had a swim lesson. It's hard. I swallowed a lot of air and breathed in some water. I have a lot to learn. I kind of wanted to cry when I realized that it is gong to be a little bit harder than I had expected. But then (tender mercy) I had a cluster of thoughts and memories. I remembered that I can do hard things. I remembered that last year I blossomed. I thought, that wasn't an easy thing to do, blossoming, sometimes it hurt, but I did it. And you know what? Just like those pretty little fruit trees, I realized, I am going to blossom again this year. It's not a one time only deal. God didn't intend for me to have one good year and say "Ta Da! Kate has come into her own!" He intended for me to continually try to be a little bit better, a little bit stronger. And as long as I am striving, as long as I am proving to myself that I can do that next hard thing, I will find that each year I will blossom a little bit more.

And so on Wednesday I am going back to the pool and I will keep going because eventually my body will understand what I am asking it to do, eventually I will make it all the way across that 25 meter lap pool, and I haven't set the time for this goal yet- BUT at some point this year I will be able to swim 1650 yards ( which is a mile....and I am not sure how many laps of that 25 meter pool it would be but I'm sure it will feel like a million) That's my Swimming goal for this year. I know it's going to be hard, but I know I can do it. (But, if you get a chance, and you remember, maybe add me to your prayers over the next few weeks. Because there is still a chance I could drown.....just a little one)

So, those are the thoughts in my head today. Wish me luck!


Nathan and Sarah said...

I love swimming! I am so excited for you! 64 lengths of the pool will get you to a mile. Keep going, you can do it!

Jennifer Hatch said...

There is no doubt in my mind you will be able to accomplish whatever it is you want to do.... seriously. :)

a.m.a. said...

I just found your blog by chance, it's the first time i read it and i have no idea about who you are... but it has been so inspiring for me that i have to tell you!
I'm a mum from Spain (my baby girl-not that baby anymore- has turned one!! three days ago...)and i feel very close to many of your thoughts. And you have a lovely writing, please continue and of course, i hope you swimming lessons go better and better!