The Waiting Game

You would think I would be used to it by now. Waiting. I've been doing it my whole life.

As a Child I waited for summer. When summer was over I waited for Christmas and after Christmas I waited for my Birthday. Junior High came and I waited for boys to notice me. High School came and I waited for it to be over. I waited for my First Date and my First Kiss. I waited for my real life to start. I eventually found myself waiting to fall in Love and waiting to get Married, which then led to waiting for children to come......

I really, really dislike waiting.

I think it is hitting me hard today. I am feeling a little lonely because I and many other members of my extended family are under a quasi-self imposed quarantine for a couple of days. On of the cousins has the Swine Flu and so in order to be good neighbors we are staying inside just in case we have it too. In another 24 hours we will know if we do or don't and then we can get on with our lives, but for now we are waiting.

I once again allowed myself to believe that I could get pregnant, and this morning I took a test, I was wrong. Within an hour or two of the negative test my tummy started to hurt- it was mocking me, telling me I would have to continue waiting. I live in the wrong place for someone who is forced to wait. There are too many incredibly fertile 24 year old women around here, maybe we should move to an area with a lot of retirees or something. Maybe that would help me forget the fact that I am still waiting. I have a near perfect son, at least in my eyes he is near perfection, some of his Aunts might disagree, but he is perfect for me. But with all the little tiny babies around I can't help but want my own tiny one too. Little J even seems to love the babies. And so I wait. It was worth the wait with J.

I am also waiting for my desire and my energy level to catch up with my dreams. I dream of being healthier. I dream of losing 45 more pounds. I have lost 15 yeah for me! but I haven't done anything but maintain for a month or more. Maintaining is good, but not when your goal is to lose. I have been worried this month about weight loss. As I said, I had allowed myself to believe that I could be pregnant and so I was wondering what my Doctor would say about trying to gain as little as possible or even trying to lose weight (eating good, healthy foods- getting enough calories- exercising) during pregnancy.

It is amazing how expressing these things is suddenly putting some things in perspective for me.

Let me share.

When we were trying to get pregnant in 2006 I received a very specific answer to a prayer. My question was, When, when will I be blessed with a child? The answer was June. I of course thought- great it is May, we will get pregnant next month. Well we didn't get pregnant. I then thought how silly I was, June would be our due date- of course- we would get pregnant in September. Well, September came and went and we had no baby. A year went by and in July of 2007 I found out I was pregnant- we had conceived in June! My Prayer had been answered and I had been blessed, I just had to wait for it. Did I say I don't like waiting.

So anyway, I have once again been asking that question of God. When. I beg. I plead. I haven't had the same type of answer, but I have had two very distinct impressions. The first being that I do need to lose weight. I feel that my body doesn't quite work right and it would work much better if it were in better shape- that should be enough to get me on that treadmill everyday don't you think. The second impression was that little J would be a wonderful only child, I would not lack for love if he were my only one. As I have been typing away today those two impressions came back to me and kind of wrapped themselves around me. They have brought me comfort and kind of made me sad all at the same time.

I think- now remember the story about June- when I decided what it meant I was wrong both times, so chances are I am wrong with this too- but anyway, I think that God has given me something to do while I wait, which is get healthy, get in shape, get ready for what is coming next. If I can do it, then maybe a new child will come into our family- maybe that child will need a mother who is strong and at her peak physically, maybe I will need to be really strong.But if it doesn't work out that way, if we are blessed to have only One Amazingly Fantastic Child, he will be enough, he will be able to give this Mother all the baby love she needs.

Speaking of which, that baby just woke up, guess I am done waiting for nap time to be over.

Trunk or Treat...

...or as some would call it, Trick or Trunk, was tonight in the parking lot of our local church. Ken and I went as rivals- Ken "The Devilish Ute" and me "The Angelic Cougar" it's funny because Ken would burst into flame if he ever set foot in one of the classrooms at the U, and I never attended BYU- though there could be a chance that someday I might try it. People thought Ken's costume was great, but no one really understood mine until they saw him.

Then there is this guy- if you saw the post about our new puppy then you have already seen him in his costume- but this picture turned out so perfectly, (look at that smile and those Eyes! The human eyes, the puppy dog eyes are kind of scary) he is even holding his little bucket out, as if to say "please sir, may I have some more", it was just too cut not to share.
Happy Halloween to all!

Our New Puppy

Check out our New Puppy!

He did not understand my need to have a full body photo of him

My photo needs conflicted with his needs for CANDY

But at least I figured out how to get him to wear the hood on the costume. (don't cover his ears and he won't try to pull it off)

After eating so much candy- it took an hour for this puppy to realize that it really was nap time....sleep little puppy, sleep.

There's a Vampire in My House!

Over the past few weeks I have been finding a red "Stampin' Dot" in odd locations around the house. I never found any ink spots anywhere- and especially never on Baby J. I figured he thought the ink was his toy, but that he didn't know how to get it open......that was a foolish thing to figure. Here is why.

This morning after breakfast, Baby J wanted to stay in kitchen and yell at the trees and leaves in the back yard. I went into the front room....after a while there was no more yelling....then there was no sound at all. I went to investigate.

And found this Vampire!

Doesn't he look Scary! you can almost see remnants of blood running down his chin, and that scowl! OHHHHH it sent chills down my spine. But then I realized it wasn't a Vampire at all, it was just Baby J, after he sucked on a small red ink pad.

Since taking these pictures I have scrubbed his face, hands and teeth. I got a lot of ink off- at least the wipes turned pink, but he still has beautiful red lips, a slight tinge of pink to his teeth and blood red thumbs......

Any tips for getting ink off skin?

Not According to Plan

I haven't posted anything in a while, not because there is nothing to talk about, but more because there is just too much. Hopefully I will be able to tell you all about the past month soon.

But I had something I wanted to talk about. In the past 16 hours I have had two people tell me that they won't use Facebook because they prefer "Real" or "Tangible" relationships. I disagree. I don't feel like Facebook promotes fake or intangible relationships, in fact it has helped me reconnect with friends who I probably would have never seen or heard from again- and it has helped me get to know family members, Sisters, Cousins, Brother's in Law, much better than I ever have before. Now I have some guesses as to why these people find No Joy in Facebook- for one of them, they simply have never tried it- preferring to make a judgement based upon other peoples experiences maybe. For the other, I am assuming that the world did not laugh at every joke that was made and maybe someone didn't respond quickly enough to their friend request....who knows.

For me, I enjoy the daily life experiences that are shared. I also enjoy the fact that I can hide certain friends addictions to applications (I am glad that you have a virtual zoo and that your zoo makes you happy, but no, I really don't care to hear about your new panda- same for your virtual aquarium). I have a cousin who at times is Hilarious and at other times she can be as foul mouthed as a drunken sailor, I haven't hidden her but I have learned that if you give her a day or two she is back to her old self and you can read her updates with out fear of having to wash your brain out with soap.

I enjoy being able to vent frustrations or triumphs and have people understand and give advice or even just a "like" or "dislike" in real time, like my friends are right here with me. Maybe it is a Mother thing, when you spend all day with people who don't speak your language it is nice to know that there are people who understand- just a few key strokes away.

I also like being able to pose questions- I really like the fact that my friends are not afraid to oppose each other, even when the question is Political. I love that about my friends, they are real, they have real feelings and real thoughts and they are not afraid to share them.

Maybe I am just lucky. Maybe I have the right mix of friends to make something like Facebook worthwhile for me. I will take that luck and be happy that it is mine.

(Those are my thoughts, it was nice to share them using more than 240 characters.)

My Little Comedian

Baby J has been very entertaining the past few days. On Sunday we had the Sister Missionaries over to watch a session of Conference. Baby J felt that it would be a good time to preform, and so after he showed us; how he can dance on top of the coffee table, his great ability to be charitable and share at least one toy with each guest, how he can hit people in the face with a fly swatter (yeah, that one made me feel like a good mother), Ken took him over to his toy area and helped him play. Pretty soon he was emptying off shelves and doing this.......

Later at my Mothers house he showed us how he truly will be some lucky girls "Knight in blue plaid short-alls" someday. Isn't he handsome!
Yesterday I discovered jumping on the new couches. Lot's of static on those couches.

The pictures do his "Tesla coil" hairstyle no justice. I assure you, there was no product of ratting of this hair, just lots of jumping on and rubbing his head near the microfiber.
And Finally, the Coup d'Cupcake! Ken had a great idea for a Family Home Evening activity. We would make some treats and take them out to members of our Stake. He had 3 families in mind and thought that 24 cupcakes be just enough. I made the cupcakes on Sunday and then he frosted them after work on Monday put together 4 plates of 6 cupcakes each, covered them with plastic wrap and left them on the kitchen table. When I started dinner I saw them, 24 yummy cup cakes. I must have been really busy with dinner because I didn't even notice what happened next until I started to set the table.
My silly little boy turned stealthy and used his Ninja-like skills to score himself, not one, but TWO chocolate cupcakes with triple chocolate chunk icing. He somehow came into the kitchen, grabbed the treats and left the kitchen with out me noticing- this is an amazing feat because he is usually babbling to himself and saying "Ta Da" when he does something amazing. He then proceeded into the room where Ken was and was able to cross the room to his corner full of toys, climb up onto the old TV cabinet that is now his toy table and start to eat his treasures.

When I noticed the missing cupcakes I asked Ken if he had taken some out of the packages and set them aside. He asked if there were 2 missing, I said yes, he said that he hadn't taken them but he knew where they were. Cupcakes for dinner, what more could a little comedian ask for. My little stealthy ninja also did something quite miraculous, he didn't get a crumb of cupcake on the carpet, there were crumbs all around him where he sat eating, but no trail leading to him.

So Far......

so far today I have written 3 new posts....Ken felt like we had been neglecting our loyal fan base. There may be more...... just keep scrolling, it is worth it, I promise