Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Elephant in the Room

When I got to my parents house today and there was a Giant Elephant in the room. An giant exploding elephant. And boy did it explode. I posted a little earlier today about my little sisters bad choices, I have since deleted that post, but I do want to tell you what happened when the elephant exploded.

Brief explanation of the Elephant. Pregnant Baby Sister, Bad Life Choices. I asked my father if he thought it would be better to have all the sisters there before we told her how we felt about her recent choices and how she needed to stop- basically an intervention. Dad had already had that talk with her and he felt it would be better if we each spoke to her privately. One of our Older Sisters was there and she expressed that if Baby Sister didn't change she was going to call the Prosecutor........Well, Baby Sister heard this and so started the Explosion.

In the end I think it all worked out well. There was Crying and Yelling. There was love. I was able to tell her what I wanted to say, That I love her, and I love her Baby and he deserves the best, he deserves love now and by love I mean every good thing she can give him and a good clean body and blood supply is what he needs most right now. She understood but still said that we didn't understand. She has not used any kind of substance in a week. I told her I thought that was great but I knew it would continue to be hard and I wanted her to know and understand, that I will be there for her, if she needs me, night or day, I will help her. Even if all she needs is someone to hold her, I love her and I will be there. I think she understood.

So now I have to figure out what to do next, how do I help her remember that I love her and I know she can make the changes she needs to make and that she can make good choices going forward. How can I give support on the days that she is not asking for immediate help. For now, until I figure out a more tangible way, it will be through prayer.

I feel good. I feel like the spirit guided the things that I said to her. It kept me calm enough to speak.

I love her, she is worth loving, even if she has made dumb decisions in the past. Hopefully this change will stick and she will see just how much she is worth.


angee said...

I'm so sorry, Kate. She is sure blessed to have such an amazing and supportive family. We'll keep her in our prayers, too.

Tennille said...

It sounds like you guys are doing the best you can to love her and support her, but it's great that you're also letting her know about the consequences of her poor choices. It's not just about her anymore, you know?

Love you guys.

Jodi said...

My youngest sibling, a brother, is a very heavy addict. We, as a family, have tried to help him by doing anything we could. He still has not made any changes.

Unfortunately, I don't come from such a close and loving family. My childhood comes from a very broken home. In the end all we are able to do for him now is pray. Perhaps with abounding love and good examples, such as in your family, your sister will be able to make those changes.

We need to remember we are all here to make our own choices in the end. We can be an influence and be influenced, but our choices are our own. The attonement wouldn't be necessary if that weren't so. Regardless of what the choices are they, at least, need to be respected for that individual's own. Nobody can make a person change, no matter how much you want to because you can see their potential. The Lord and our Savior don't make us do anything. That idea belonged to someone else that we chose not to follow in the beginning.

It's hard to sit by, feeling powerless, while you see a loved one self-destructing. It's heartbreaking. I hope your sister will feel the love of her family, both her temporal and heavenly one. We will pray for her, too.

Christy said...

For this situation I would highly recommend John Bytheways book "Behind Every Good Man." While it is mainly focused towards married couples it is about "helping other people change." The thing he focuses on is that we can't change other people, but we can change how we treat and interact with them, and that can help them change. Anyway, it is a great book and a fast read.

Michelle said...

Something that I have learned from family members who have made bad choices is that everyone makes their own path. Not everyone can believe, some have to try hard things and be humbled before they realize that they need the Lord. (I've seen it many times.) So, while all hope seems lost for the time remember that there IS hope. The Savior is there for all of us.
I'll be thinking and praying for you and your family too. :)