Monday, April 27, 2009

Spectacular Failure

I am starting to notice something about myself that I am not sure I like. I don’t believe it is intentional, I don’t sit around trying to figure out ways to impede my own progress in life, but I do have a talent for failure. I am 99% sure that most people are like me, and I am also pretty sure that what I consider my failures wouldn’t be considered problems to others.

None of us are perfect; we all know that, we all try our best to hide it, pretending that we are the one perfect person to be found. Being imperfect, we all have failings and failures. I like to think that it is possible to fail one day and get back on the horse the next day without much remembrance of the previous days failures. The baby does this all the time with his naps, he will have a bad nap day, but it won’t affect him much past that one bad day, he will go on to have a wonderful weeks worth of naps. It is a little failure, a little bump in the road; nothing to worry about it will all be better tomorrow. He did not inherit this ability from me.

No, I fail, but everything I do must, absolutely MUST, be spectacular! I think my secret motto must be “If you are going to fail, FAIL BIG!” In High School I failed at least one class, and got really close to failing a couple more. I had to go to summer school for the history class that I failed my freshman year and I got an A very easily. The summer school teacher was confused by how well I did. I guess he expected mediocrity. I was embarrassed, but embarrassed or not I still continued down my path of. …Spectacularity? (I may have just made that word up, pretty good work I think) I have lead a good life, but it is as yet an unfinished life, I hope in the end that I can look back at my life, the good and the bad, and see that I triumphed spectacularly much more than I failed.

My most recent failing? Falling of the Healthy Food Wagon. I am working hard to get my hopes back up, telling myself that I can do this, I can be healthy, I can eat my vegetables and not want that Pizza, those cookies, the bowl full of Peanut M&M’s. It is just super hard. I am pretty sure that I have addictive jeans. Just one taste of the not so good for me stuff and I am off and running, I found a bunch of yummy pizza slices that I had frozen a few months ago, they were intended to be my lunch at some point but I had forgotten about them. Well after making the discovery, I ate them. It took 2 or 3 days, they were so yummy, but it was like half a pizza. It was a vegetarian piazza, but still, Not Good For Me! Why didn’t my Fairy Godmother remove them from the freezer, didn’t she know I would eat them if I found them? Didn’t she know that I am an addict? Truth is I don’t even know if I knew. But I am sure feeling the addiction today. OH, Those Swiss Rolls are calling me, and all of the babies Easter candy. It is Horrible!!! ARGH!!! This is why I am glad that I have never been tempted by Alcohol or Drugs because I am pretty sure I would treat them like I treated the pizza, difference being the pizza will kill me, but much, much, much more slowly than an Alcohol or Drug binge. Addictive Personality, that is me.

So I am starting to see what I need to do to get back on the Healthy Food Wagon and to turn my Spectacular Failure into an Amazing Triumph, I need to get addicted to apples and oranges and pears (…oh my…) and I need to never, ever, ever purchase peanut M&M’s (unless it is a very small package of them).

Oh this has been good therapy. I have missed this over the past few days. Thanks for being here for me.

P.S. for those of you who were really looking for updates about Little Baby J’s exploits, pictures of our trip to Logan will be coming within the next few days.


Kim said...

Kate, I TOTALLY hear you. Your blog could have been written by me and been all true. I, likewise, have addictive tendencies to food (thankful it's not drugs or alcohol). One bite, two bites, three, a whole bag. I'm much better off if I never take the first nibble. I just can't stop at a nibble. The best I ever did was when I completely took myself off of all junk food. I ate normal portions of regular food, but wouldn't even allow one bite of popcorn, chocolate, candy, cake, doughnuts, chips, etc. The weight melted off. I need to recommit myself. Maybe we need to help each other.

Hang in there. We can do this! I have 10 pounds to loose. That may not sound like a lot, but it is the most I've ever weighed, not counting babies.

One thing I have to say: It would be so much easier if everyone in our households would help us. Just having the junk around for them makes it a hundred times harder.

Let me know if you have any good ideas.

Love ya!

Jodi said...

You didn't fail because you haven't given up. I LOOOOOOVE Doritos and haven't given them up yet. I don't eat them all the time, but far more often than I should. I also still eat ice cream and this weekend we are having pizza for Aley's birthday party. We still occasionally go to fast food places and eat other unhealthy foods. Just remember the 90/10 rule. If 90% of what you eat are the good, as fresh as possible, plant-based foods you should be eating, the other 10% will be easily dealt with by your body.

I'm not giving a license for eating poorly, but allow yourself time to make the big dietary changes without beating yourself up. Once you have mastered one area, such as keeping fresh fruit in the house for snacks instead of buying junk, then move on to no more cold cereals (just an example).

You will only fail if you give up. The goal should be to come to a point in life, precept by precept, at which you can look back over time and see how big the changes really have been and be surprised that they are so great.

angee said...

Okay, first I haven't read the other posts so I hope I'm not repeating what has already been said. Here's my two cents:

Don't be too hard on yourself!!! I think the trick is to not limit sweets altogether, but to do them sparingly. Allow yourself a small bit every day (or every other day). For example, I LOVE chocolate! So, I keep a bag of chocolate chips in my fridge, and a couple of times a day, I take out 2 or 3. That's it. It gives me my chocolate fix for the day, but I don't eat a whole lot!!

You can do this! Focus on your progress. It all comes a little at a time.