I have recently discovered Facebook, I have a few friends now too. It has been fun reconnecting with people, I wouldn’t say I have truly reconnected with all of the people who are my friends on Facebook but at least I now know how to find them, and they me, should we want to.
Ken is amazing at keeping in touch with people. I am not. I carry around a little whole in my heart for many friends who I love, but, because of my own actions, have lost touch with. I think some of it comes from the same old insecurities that I have always had.
What could those be, you ask? Well I will tell you, I am hoping that it will be therapeutic. I am very soft, inside me, I am filled with goo, it’s true. Most of the time I am not very courageous and sometimes I am quite shy. I know, you are stunned aren’t you, but I am. I worry that people don’t remember me as a good friend, the way I remember them. And me being me, the worry turns to truth immediately upon entering my brain and so, a good portion of the time, I don’t put forth a very good effort to find people who I have lost.
But now things are changing. I do not have a whole new fabulous self-esteem that allows me to reach out to everyone without fear; I don’t think I will ever be that way and I am OK with that. I am glad that over the past month or so I have discovered that there are some people who have missed me just as much as I have missed them. That, in and of itself, is a confidence and self-esteem booster! I am also glad that I have Ken. I am hoping that, at least with the people that are close enough for us to see and visit with, he will become their friend too and in that way, help me prevent losing them again.
Last of all, I am happy to know that I can change. I don’t have to change everything, I can still be soft in the middle, it is good to be somewhat soft in the middle, but a little less goo would probably be good. I know that I am a good friend; I know that I can make people laugh and that I am a good listener. And I know that many of the things I tell myself, about myself, are not true! Negative Self Talk- Who needs it? But that is a topic for another post. For now, I am happy and telling myself happy things. After all I have a wonderful best friend and husband and a spectacular baby, and I have amazing Parents and Sisters and Friends. What more could a little girl like me ask for?
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