Sunday, June 24, 2012

The middle of the muddle

The past few weeks have been the best of times and the worst of times. I've spent more time resting than I expected to. I am still finding that I can over do it very easily. And my boys test my limits every day. Little B has discovered the water in the door of the fridge- he has caused a not so small flood in the kitchen twice over the past 3  weeks. I moved the fridge both times in order to clean it up. Not too long after moving the fridge I understood why moving the fridge was not an appropriate thing for me to be doing. Poor B also doesn't understand why I can't carry him EVERYWHERE, he is sick and he just wants to be catered too, and it makes me sad that I can't give him love in the way he wants it- but REALLY kid, you weigh 32 pounds and you know how to walk! Isn't holding my hand while you walk enough?

Recently one of my sisters was given a car load of kids costumes, a few of them were much to small for her children- like these little pirate pants (see how they are all tattered on the bottom)- they go along with a black pirate vest which B did wear for a while, but he eventually decided that he was the shirtless type of pirate. On the day I took this picture I had done as much as I could and even though it wasn't a lot, I was tired. And when I am tired I do silly things, so I dressed my child as a pirate- who wouldn't?!?! Baby Pirates are the best for lifting your spirits. :) I'm lucky to have such a cute baby pirate at my beck and call. (I may have mentioned this day in a previous post, close to heaven I think) 

In between surgeries we were able to plant our garden. For the last few years our gardens have been less than bountiful. I decided that we needed to add something to the soil. We have never done anything more than add a little plant food, but I figured that we needed to add some fertilizer or something. Usually we try to get our garden in the week after Mother's day, but this year  we were a little busy that week. There was also a church activity that was all about Square Foot Gardening in the 3rd week of  May, so we waited. I figured I would learn something good about soil additives, and what I learned was that I wanted to try our own version of Square Foot Gardening. We don't have room for raised beds, but I felt the beds we did have were appropriately sized. Ken and I dug out 6 or more inches of the not so great soil in our beds and bought some specially mixed raised bed garden soil and several plants from the IFA and we got down to work.

Here's what we planted, two tomatoes in the hanging topsy turvey things. Butternut Squash, Yellow Squash and a Watermelon (wow, I need to go check what plants we got, I'm having a hard time remembering) I think an Acorn Squash too. We have Onions, an Anaheim pepper and a Bell pepper. 3 more tomato plants and a Fennel. Fennel makes me happy, it reminds me of San Diego where it grows WILD in the canyons. We got some square tomato cages, opened them up and placed them flat against the fence so that the climbing things could climb up them. So far the garden seems happy. Hopefully we will have a bountiful harvest, with lots of Salsa for Ken (and me, I must admit I like our salsa) and lots of squash for little B and me. Yuuuuuummmmm, Squaaaash.

So, for a week or more after the second surgery I suffered from a lack of sleep. For a while it seemed like I had my days and nights confused. I napped on and off all day and had a really hard time sleeping at night. I know I am amazingly lucky because Ken was there for me during this time (in fact after one particularly horrible night, when I just couldn't handle it the next day, Ken came home from work at Noon and took care of me, that man is a SAINT, just saying) and we had so many good friends and neighbors who were helping out with meals that we had plenty of food easily available for me to feed the kids when Ken had to go back to work. There was a Jello Salad that the boys LOVED (strawberry jello with fruit, cottage cheese and cool whip, I think) yes, I think the boys would tell you that those few days, while the jello salad lasted, were wonderful.

One thing I have been able to do quite easily is read with the boys. As part of our bedtime routine we read scripture stories and one or two books. The boys really like it and Ken and I do too. Ken took this picture because of the book I was reading, Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Ken doesn't often request books for the boys from the library, but he got this one, and its sequel. Some day we will own those books. 

So, the past few weeks have not been the best, I'm tired, I hurt, I'm bloated and at times I have wondered if there is something severely wrong with me. Luckily, the Internet can sometimes calm fears. (I know from experience that if you go online and enter your symptoms you are likely to discover that you have cancer, turns out just about any symptom you have could be a sign of cancer- who knew?) So, last week I had several days where I felt fine for an hour or two in the morning, then tired, then sore, then gassy and bloated. At this point I feel like I look about 4 months pregnant. By bedtime I was very sore, it hurt to move, to climb in to bed. The only thing I could compare that feeling too was being days away from delivering a very active baby, the feeling of being bruised inside. I wanted to know if this was normal so I googled. I google a lot. I asked the googleverse (I may have just created that by the way, the googlverse! Get it? Like Universe only with Google on the front! Ha, the things I come up with early in the morning when I can't sleep) so, anyway, I typed in "recovery after exploratory laparotomy" and I found that my symptoms were very normal and that I should expect them for a few more weeks......yay? Well, one of the things recommended was to continue to take it easy, apparently just because I feel good in the morning doesn't mean I should jump right in to my daily routine. Unfortunately my daily routine still has to be done. 

So I muddle along, doing the bare minimum, once again lucky I have Ken who picks up as much slack as he can. I've started to realize that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help- and if there should ever be another kitchen flood I've promised myself that I will go find a neighbor to move my fridge, no matter how embarrassing I find the current state of my home. I even reached out recently, asking for help cleaning (the morning after moving the fridge after the last flood, I couldn't more without pain). It didn't work, people are really busy on Fridays I guess, but I was proud that I gave up my pride long enough to ask for help (pretty funny huh, proud of being less prideful). Oh well, someday this whole experience will be a memory. Hopefully I will have learned some good lessons and I will remember that I need to be kind to my body when it is healing. It seems to be a hard lesson for me to learn. I'm sure I am not the only one who has a hard time with this type of lesson. 

I feel like I must sound a little bit like Eeyore, and if so, Thanks for listening. I do want to express that yes, it has been hard, harder than I expected, but I've had so many moments when I've been blessed beyond measure that I really can't complain, too much. I hope you have a Happy Sunday! Let's make this next week a great one!


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Scarlett said...

I'm so sorry you have had such a rough go of things lately. Things are going to turn around. I promise!