Sunday, May 27, 2012

Waiting for Wednesday

The CT Scan has been read, the Doctor relayed the news. I have a colon cozier- that's what I've named it. Best case scenario is that the IUD is attached to the outside of my of my colon, there were lots of big words that I can't remember right now and probably couldn't have spelled correctly had I tired to write them down when I was talking to the doctor- though when I repeated them back to the doctor, I did amazingly well. Anyway- best case scenario is that they can get it out of it's little hiding place laparoscopically, worse case scenario (hopefully, I'm sure there could be worse) would be that they have to scrap the laparoscope and use their hands and cut into my colon. I am really, really, really ready for this all to be over. I am very much happy that it's not embedded in my Uterus. I never thought I would say "Phew! So glad that silly thing decided to embed itself in my colon" Yeah, I don't think that statement even made it on the list of "Things I can imagine myself saying....." 

So over the past week I've had a scripture enter my thoughts a few times, Proverbs 3:5-6 "5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." I always want to know why. I ask that question a lot. I am pretty sure, that to God, I must sound like my 4 year old sounds to me. I recently used the phrase "Because I'm Mom and I said so" for the first time. I guess I should have said "Trust me". But God is perfect, he is much more worthy of Trust than me. (Wait, I am pretty sure I said "Because I'm Mom and I said so" after I had denied a request to eat cookies for breakfast several times, I probably could have said "Trust me, your tummy will hurt!" but that is another story, so I will get back on track) I know, with all my heart that I can trust in the Lord. If there is anyone who understands my pain and my heart ache it is him, he suffers with me, I know that I am not alone in any of my trails. And so I was very comforted by this scripture. It calmed me, and I heard "Kate, you aren't going to know why. Trust me, I will take care of you.". I look back over this past month and though it's been a long and convoluted path, though there have been lots of failures, my mind and my heart have been opened to different possibilities as far as health care providers go. 

Today I was talking to Ken, and I verbalized something that I was wondering about. I've been wanting to try a birth with a CNM, I've been plotting and planning for a while now. But maybe that's the wrong thing for me and I just wasn't hearing the warnings. And maybe, just maybe, my path has be redirected back to an Obstetrician. I may never know. 

What I do know is that I am very well taken care of. I have a loving family. I have wonderful friends and neighbors and I have found a great doctor who really seems to want me to be free of this IUD as much as I do. And most of all, I have a Savior, who understands me and will guide my paths, if I will but trust Him. So if you find yourself needing something to do on Wednesday Morning- say a little prayer for me.

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