Monday, May 14, 2012

Let's hear it for Adversity!

So. How are you doing? I've been  better. My sister just told me something (well, I guess she told lots of people something because it was on facebook but it resonated with me), she said "If adversity  is a sign that things are going well..... Hallelujah. I have arrived at the good life!" And, I said Hallelujah too. I am pretty sure just about all of us are feeling adversity right now, and it's totally strange to me- Weird and sometimes even Bad things seem to be happening Everywhere! And I am feeling the Adversity in my life as well.

I've been feeling VERY baby hungry for a few months now. After having little B, I had an IUD inserted and so in order to have another baby I needed to get it removed. Easy Peasy, right? Well for most people it would be easy, but not for me. The doctor couldn't get it out, it seemed stuck.....then the wires broke off. First time that had ever happened to him, he continued attempts to remove it but eventually felt that it was "Embedded" and possibly even partially through the wall of my uterus.  He referred me to an OB/GYN. I cried. Not in the doctors office, but in my home, by myself, in my bedroom, while I was trying to pray. All I could do was cry. I felt like God heard me, I felt comfort, but the IUD didn't magically get fixed. I wasn't expecting that, but I also wasn't expecting what happened next.

I called the OB/GYN and was told that their next available appointment was in January!!!!! WHAT? Another doctor in his office was able to get me in in 8 days, instead of 8 I waited. It was a long 8 days. The day came and yet another very competent and nice doctor couldn't get that thing out, it was most definitely embedded and I was once again referred to a different doctor- this time the new doctor was FORCED to see me the very next day, as a favor. He and his ultrasound machine worked very hard but this time- unlike the two previous physicians- he couldn't even locate the IUD. So he sent me to get an X-Ray. After the IUD's location was identified he would know what kind of surgery he would need to do in order to remove it. Well, as luck would have it, the IUD showed up on the X-Ray and it was verified that it was no longer where it should have been, rather it was wandering around, having a grand ole time, in my Pelvis.

So tomorrow, I get to have surgery. The doctor will remove the IUD Laparoscopically, (I may have just made that word up) but he also will perform a hysteroscopy to try to figure out why and how this happened. FYI, a Hysteroscopy is not a Hysterectomy- don't get too scared about that- But there is a camera involved. That part of the surgery is purely a fact finding mission and I have high hopes that the doctor will tell me that I will have no future issues with conceiving or pregnancies because of this. As it stands right now, I feel like there must be a whole in my uterus, I feel broken, I feel sad.

I've learned some things about myself over the past few days, I am apparently a super patient. I have an amazingly high pain tolerance and a super amount of patience. I have been in amazing need of help. I quietly sat in waiting rooms, and lay on those super comfortable tables in the doctor's offices. I've wanted to scream "HELP ME! FIX ME!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!" But I didn't. I did tell God that I needed help, I asked him to fix me.  And I've realized that, though it seem like it's been a little slower than I would have preferred or expected, he has helped me find the people who could fix me and he gave me Ken, who has been there to hold me when I just needed to cry.

So, yeah, I'm yet to be fixed. I'm waiting for the call from the hospital telling when to show up tomorrow. I'm a little scared because I felt a little depressed after last months surgery and I was worried that it was a side effect of the anesthesia and I wasn't expecting to be going under anesthesia again anytime soon. Now I am finding myself saying "Do it, do what ever you need to do, just get this thing out of me and make sure I can have babies!" but I'm still kind of scared.

So, I am going to try to remember what my sister said "If adversity  is a sign that things are going well..... Hallelujah. I have arrived at the good life!" I can do this, I can do hard things. Yesterday at church there was a quote about trials- and I don't remember the exact words, nor who was being quoted, but it basically said something like this. No one will escape trials. Some trials will kill us, some we merely pass through and some  we have to learn to live with. I am trying to hope that this is a trial that I am merely passing through, I feel as if I am strolling through it when I would rather be sprinting through it, but I hope and pray that it will soon be over, but IF adversity is a sign that things are going well......then Hallelujah!

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