Friday, August 27, 2010

"For Sale" by Little J!

"For Sale-My Mother's Sanity"
A Blog Post by Little J

So, I don't know if you have noticed, but things have changed around here in the past few weeks. This little guy moved in. I have been working hard to make sure he understands how things work around here. This is a picture of my hand, showing the new guy how to make music come out of the ladybug. He must not like music because he never, EVER, pulls on the lady bug. He is weird.
I have been playing nice, I explained to the new guy all about how Mommy is MY MOMMY and he can borrow her sometimes. But he must not have understood, because he is borrowing her much much MUCH too often. I will admit that he smells really good, which is probably why Mommy likes to hold him, and he is really kissable. But still, he really needs to stop monopolizing My Mommy.
I decided recently that the new guy needs to be put in his place, and so I set about to make sure that Mommy, and Daddy too, pay much more attention to me! So I took over the baby's bouncy chair. I figured this would get some attention. Mommy told me that she bought this particular chair because it was also a Toddler Rocker that can hold up to 40 pounds. She was really happy that the new guy and I were willing to share the chair. PLAN FOILED! On to the next plan.
I decided that at bedtime and nap-time I wouldn't stay in bed, rather, I would lay by my bedroom door and whine until they let me stay up later or not nap at all. Plan Foiled, I fell asleep.
I decided I would send myself to China! I hear they love little boys in China. Dad Found me before the FedEx guy got here to pick me up. Plan, once again, FOILED!

I upped my game yesterday though. I found a way to get an AMAZING amount of attention. In fact my Mommy and Daddy were so impressed with what I did that they forgot to take pictures of me, and spent the whole rest of the day in my room admiring what I had done.

Here is what I did, feel free to copy me if you need some attention- At nap time, when they put me in bed I happened to notice that Mommy left the cabinet under the changing table UNLOCKED! Now I am smart, I know that Mommy locks up all the fun stuff, so I didn't point it out.

I waited until Mommy and Daddy were good and tired and then I opened the cabinet and saw my swim diapers, so I pulled off my pants and took off my normal everyday diaper and attempted to get that brightly colored swim diaper on. Sadly I did not succeed. This meant that I was pretty much naked, I mean I still had my shirt on but that is about it. A funny feeling came over me, I felt like I needed to mark my territory, you know, so that new guy wouldn't think everything in the house was his. Now the room is MINE! ALL MINE!

I got curious about the cabinet again and so I took another look inside, brightly colored liquids, couldn't get those open. But don't worry, I looked again and found some Vaseline! YES! I love that stuff! It feels so gooey in my hands and it rubs onto furniture, bedding and carpeting very nicely. I put it everywhere I could think of. Then I started to dance around and sing my favorite song "OH OH" (otherwise known as the chorus of "Single Ladies" by Beyonce) and that is when Dad came into my room.

He told me that I had earned a bath! I love Baths! Then he got Mom and she spent some time in my room admiring my work. Mom and Dad were still admiring my work at bedtime, they must have really liked what I had done.

Today I decided to try some more attention getting activities. I am BIG, much bigger than the new guy, I figured I could get some more attention by pointing out all the BIG things I could do. I realized that I had a stinky diaper and I figured I would change it. I did have a problem though, I got the diaper off just fine, but I didn't have a new diaper to put on! Silly me, I was not prepared. So I went to Mom and handed her my old stinky diaper, she called for Daddy and he took me upstairs, but he wouldn't let me in my room. He said the new guy was sleeping in there and he told me to wait for him. So I sat down in front of the door, for some reason this displeased Daddy. I don't know why, I mean I waited right were he asked me too, and I even tired to wipe my bum with my hand before I sat down. Daddy cleaned me, and the carpet, up as best he could and then he put a new diaper on me. Then he grumbled something about already planning on getting the carpet cleaner from Grandma T, blah blah blah....

Mom asked Dad if he thought it would be bad for her next blog post to be titled "Toddler For Sale", I figured I would beat her too it.

For Sale, My Mother's Sanity! It's going cheap and I am sure it won't last long.....What's that Dad? You want to take me out for some Daddy and J time, Just you and me? YEAH!!!!!!

Talk to you all later Peeps, I'm going to Costco! I hope they are having lots of Samples today!


Hiccup MeL said...

Little J, please tell your mom that she is BY FAR one of the funniest people on the PLANET and that she'll be on my favorite list of people for all time. And really, has no one explained to you that kids don't need to mark their territory like dogs?

Kristen said...

Uh huh. That's how it's done. Good job, son.