Self Effacing!

So I had my 36 week appointment today, and I found out that I am 80% Effaced and Dilated to a 2. I now have some choices to make.

I have been praying that the baby will come at the right time for him to come, that he won't be born too early basically because there is pretty much a 99.9% chance that he is going to come at least 2 weeks early. But 2 weeks early, as my doctor would like it, would be the day of the Big Family Reunion, and I tell you walking around with a baby that has dropped.....I don't know how comfortable I would be at the reunion.....so it is tempting to give in to the doctor.

But could it be possible that he could come, naturally, even before then? I think it might. He sure feels like a big kid, he bruises me or at least I feel very very very sore in the places he likes to stretch and push. I really feel like if I relax and let him do his thing he could be here next week, and then maybe he could be in the pictures at the reunion (meaning, we would go for the pictures and lunch and then come home) It is really weird to think about.

So, if you could please, pray for me and my baby Billy, I know that all things are in God's hands, but I sure like knowing that the faith of others is involved too.

Musings of a Chocolate Deprived Woman

As I type this, I am 35 weeks and 3 days pregnant. See, here is proof!

I feel much more like 5,000,000 weeks pregnant. I think I know why. First of all, I discovered I was pregnant at about 2 weeks and 3 days, OK, maybe 3 weeks. Now we ladies know that for the first 2 weeks of the 40 weeks of pregnancy, you really aren't pregnant....so yeah, I found out immediately and that has made for one LOOOOOONG wait for this baby to come. The Second reason that I am feeling so very pregnant is that this time I know I am most likely going to deliver early, like maybe around the 2nd week of August instead of the 4th week. So my mind has started counting to 38 weeks instead of 40.......this could prove to be a very bad thing especially since 38 weeks is less than 3 weeks away AND because if my am not "Ripe" at 38 weeks then the induction will get pushed back to 39 and then.....maybe even 40, so I really should just count to 40, to save my sanity.

Speaking of Sanity, I have not had anymore blood sugar related melt downs. I am sure this makes Ken pretty happy. I have been able to keep my blood sugar pretty much exactly where my doctor wants it, but this has come at a price. That price being an extreme lack of treats. I realized today that it is Chocolate Milk that I miss the most. Yes I have found some treats I can have, various sugar free puddings and cookies, but this morning I was thinking about how good I have been doing, and how it really hasn't been too much of a sacrifice and in fact it has been a good learning experience and I should really try to continue to eat this way after the baby is born, but in the back of my mind I knew that after the baby is born and I am declared "Insulin Tolerant" I will get to cheat on the diet sometimes........and the first thing I will cheat with will be sweet sweet chocolate milk! But just as soon as the back of my mind expressed that thought another thought arose, the one that made me want to cry. What thought was that?

It was something like this "But what if butterball is Lactose Intolerant and you have to cut out milk products" SWEET CHOCOLATE MILK NOOOOOOOOOO! I had to stop myself, and think about the possibility of such a random thought being true. What are the chances? I am going to say the chances are slim. But, wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake, first I have to give up sweet carbohydraterific treats for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy, and then.....OH, I must stop thinking about it. Those are the musings of a Chocolate Deprived Woman.

Let's think happier thoughts. This morning Ken and little J were sitting on the couch, reading. J is to the point where he pretty much knows his books and as you read he will parrot or even skip ahead and scream out the main words that go along with that page of the book. It was so sweet! I wish it could have gone on forever, unfortunately I pulled out the camera and a newly camera shy J clammed up. I did get one good picture of the process though.
I hope you have enjoyed this glimpse into my mind. (And I hope that sometime in the next 4 weeks I get to enjoy some chocolate!)

These are the Random Moments of my Life

This past week has been an interesting one. Little J decided that he needed glasses, you know, so he could fit it.

Ken and I went to the temple last Thursday and we spotted this Buzz Lightyear toy outside a snow-cone shop, we thought J would FREAK....he didn't.
On Sunday we went to my parents house, as usual. This week we celebrated my nieces 1st birthday, somewhere in-between the presents and the cake I noticed that Ken had fallen asleep. I couldn't resist taking a picture.
J is now 2 years and 4 months old, and he likes to pick out his own clothes, this is what he has chosen to wear today....little swimmers.
As you can see, he is smart, he doesn't want to waste the little swimmer, so he put it on OVER his normal diaper.
And that is my life.

Moving Right Along....

Does anyone else feel like time has sped up a bit? There just seems to be so much to do and not much time to even start, let alone complete everything. Time is never going to slow back down, is it?

So, for those of you who LOVE to hear about J here is a sad sad story...with some pictures! Though the pictures are kind of sad too.

It all started last Tuesday. I had a LONG day of work at TOSH (the orthopedic specialty hospital) and J had what I can only assume was an amazingly fun day with Grandma T and some of his Cousins. I got home from work, later than expected and much too tired for my own good. I set about to make dinner, I pulled out the George Foreman Grill, the grill did not come out of the cupboard easily, I had to tug a bit harder than expected and when it did free itself, and my arms flew backwards with great force, the Grill hit something. I guess I should have been prepared, or more aware at least, and known that there was a little guy, who missed me all day, standing right behind me. Sadly he was right in the path of the grill, and he got WHACKED in the face.

He started to scream and I quickly picked him up, begging his forgiveness and telling him how sorry I was and how I didn't mean to hurt him. I felt really bad. It only got worse. I had been holding him tightly, his face against my shoulder and I pulled him away so I could assess any damage that had been done and AAAAAHHHHHH he was bleeding from the mouth. You could easily see the gash on his upper lip, in the 30 seconds or so that I was holding him my sleeve had become covered in blood and he was continuing to bleed. The gash was about 3/4 of an inch long and looked "open" I told Ken I thought he needed stitches, 1 because the gash was on his face, 2 because of its length and 3 because it didn't seem to want to close on its own. We took him next door to our friendly neighborhood nurse and she agreed, he would most likely need stitches. So off to the Insta-care we went.

What happened? Well we learned that our local insta-care does not do facial stitches on children. They were nice enough to clean J off sufficiently to see that the GASH was more like a 1/2 inch scratch with a smaller gash in the middle. It was at this point that I realized something that I probably need to remember about J, because of the Von Willebrands, he bleeds a little more than the average child, and blood apparently makes me freak out and think things are worse than they really are. The Nurse said that she didn't believe he needed stitches and that he would be fine. We believed her. Here is what J looked like after we got back from the Insta-care.

It really doesn't look too horrible, right? I just hoped and prayed it wouldn't scar.
Little J went on with his week, enjoying the bounteous amounts of fruit in the house. (he even experienced his first watermelon overload tummy ache, I swear he at a quarter of that thing)

Here is a picture of J enjoying the peach he stole from his poor, poor mother!
Well, the sad ending to the story is that J now has a nice scar on his lip to remind his mother to be more careful in the kitchen.
Other people probably cant see it as well as I can, it makes me sad, but I guess boys like scars, right? (in this picture he is sad because I not only took away his milk so that I could get a picture of his lip, but I was also blocking his view of "Little Einsteins", talk about child abuse!)

So that is the sad story of J, and his scar.

Then there is me. So I told you all about the diet explained to me over the phone by the diabetic educator. I lost weight during the week prior to my actual visit with the diabetic educator and the nutritionist, this apparently was bad, and it was quickly discovered that the over the phone diet was missing quite a few things. After my 4+ hour class on diabetes I had a new, more reasonable and pretty easy to understand meal plan to follow and I was feeling pretty good. Well, I felt pretty good until the first time I had to test my own blood, and it was high, 160 when it should have been 120 or below. The next morning it was still high and as I had had a bad night, dreaming about my future of constantly pricking my fingers, I broke down and I broke down at a very inopportune moment for my sweet husband.

Here is why, how, and what happened. One of the things the diabetic educator talked about was the fact that women who get Gestational Diabetes are 60% more likely to get type 2 diabetes later in life. But wait, later in life is what I read on the Internet, so when she gave that statistic I had already heard it, until it registered that she had added to the information. "Excuse me, did you just say that we are more likely to get Type 2 within the next 5 to 10 years?" The quick response was "Yes, 5-10 year, especially for someone who has a family history of Type 2". Inside my head I screamed and I almost cried. So after a high blood sugar that evening, a bad nights sleep dreaming about my FUTURE, then another high fasting blood sugar, I was pretty sure that I was going to die an early death. And so in true Kate fashion, just minutes before Ken needed to leave for work, I exploded into tears. I felt so out of control, after all I had been eating according to the diet/meal plan that I had been given, I had AVOIDED SWEETS, why couldn't I just control my blood sugar, then on top of that I now had only 5-10 years to make the changes necessary, to lose the weight necessary to delay the onset of the disease that I didn't want. AAAAHHHH. Ken did his best to comfort me in the time he had and then we both went on with our day. Things got better. My after breakfast blood sugar was good and throughout the day I received several little tender mercies, my prayers were answered and the answer was that God knew what I was going through, he understood that I wanted control but I needed to understand that HE did have control and no matter what happened, it would happen in the way that he intended and I would be OK, in fact I would be better for it. And with that I went on with my day, and I didn't cry anymore.

It has almost been a week since that little breakdown, and I am still feeling Okay, I don't need to be in complete control, I just need to do what I CAN do and not worry about the things I CAN"T control, and God will make up the difference. He will give me peace in the midst of the storm. I believe that, I know that.

I saw my Doctor yesterday and discussed what the gestational diabetes means, as far as the delivery date of the baby. I am currently 34 weeks along, so I have 6 weeks left to prepare myself, emotionally and physically to deliver this baby right? Maybe not. Because the baby might be big, and because there is really no way to tell how big he is, my Doctor will check me in 4 weeks and if my cervix is at all favorable, she will want to induce me. Wow, 4 weeks is not that long, once again the opportunity to feel out of control, this time I handled it pretty well. The baby will come when it is the right time for him to come, God will see to that, all I have to do is prepare myself. I guess I better stop typing and start preparing.....

What to Eat or What NOT to Eat, that is the question!

A few weeks ago I failed my "Glucose Challenge Test". I don't know how long they have been preforming this test but I am pretty sure most women who have children under 20 have been forced to drink that yucky drink and then have their blood drawn an hour later. When you fail that test they make you take an EVEN MORE FUN one, the "Glucose Tolerance Test", you get to fast all morning, then when the lab opens you get to have your blood drawn, this time so they have your "Fasting Blood Sugar Level". THEN, you get to drink another yucky drink, this one is twice as strong and sugary as the first. It is at this point that the real fun begins, you get to wait 3 more hours, still fasting. Each hour you get to give a little bit of you blood again and while you are quite hungry, your baby is Freaking Out from the Pure Sugar you just fed it. And guess what? I failed that test too. I don't know how baby my blood sugar levels were, I only know that I have a 4 hour appointment next week with a Nutritionist who will teach me how to use my new Blood Sugar Monitor and then teach me how to eat for final 7 weeks of this pregnancy.

Because they don't want me to have any problems between now and then, the Nutritionist called me on Wednesday, she was very nice, but after following her instructions for a day I am pretty sure she is trying to kill me. Well not really, but based on the fact that I am now on a really restricted diet, I wouldn't be surprised if I lost a few pounds in the next 8 weeks.

This is what I was told to do/eat for the next week until my appointment, and because I am a very good girl I am doing exactly as I am told. I am to eat 3 small meals and 2 snacks during the day. For breakfast I am to limit myself to 30 total Carbohydrates. For Lunch I get 40 and for dinner I can have anywhere between 45 and 60! Woohoo! I am allowed to eat 2 (that is right 2!) pieces of fruit each day- but never more than a 1/2 a cup of said fruit. For my snacks she recommended String Cheese or other similar items that have no or are low in carbohydrates.

So Wednesday night I made sure that I didn't go over 60 carbs at dinner, it wasn't too hard but I quickly discovered that carbohydrates are in the majority of all foods, that's right a cup of Broccoli has 4 Carbs, a Whole Carrot has 6 so all the little things add up pretty fast. It was a yummy meal, maybe a bit smaller than usual, but filling. I didn't think anything of it.

Then came yesterday, I decided that I would use my trusty on-line calorie counter, MyPlate at Livestrong.com. It was the perfect choice because not only does it count calories, but it also creates a nutritional breakdown of the things you are eating- including the amount of Carbohydrates. I love it. This tool is going to save me, but it is also causing me to question the sanity of my nutritionist.

Ken and I had read that the insulin intolerance that causes Gestational Diabetes is at its highest in the morning, and as such women who have it should be eating less carbs and more protein for breakfast. So I had 2 eggs (2 carbs), 3/4 of a piece of toast (14.3 carbs), 8 oz of 1 % milk (13 carbs) and 1 tsp of margarine as well as a small amount of seasoning for my eggs- both carbohydrate free. I was happy with my breakfast- all 29.3 of my carbohydrates were yummy. Total Calories- 341.5

Morning Snack! 1 oz of cheddar cheese, yum! 110 cal.

For lunch I had a Salad, remembering that vegetables have carbs too I made sure to track as closely as possible the amounts of each item in my salad. Romain Lettuce (1.3), Roma Tomato (7), Carrot (6), Red Bell Pepper (2.6), Cucumber (1.9), 1/3 cup frozen corn (10.5), and finally a 1/4 cup black beans (10). Just over 39 total carbohydrates, right on track! But still- only 202 calories.

So that puts me at just over 650 calories for the day at lunch time. I started to wonder if I was doing something wrong at this point. I mean has my expected caloric intake also gone down? Should I be upping the amount of meat in my diet? Should I really be on a Modified Atkins regime? Not sure, I kept on with my day, adjusting my normal diet to the rules I had been given.

Afternoon snack- a peach! Well J ate 2/3rd of my peach, I got 10 calories out of that snack and 2.3 carbs.

For dinner I made Beef Stir Fry with Ramen Noodles. Because I knew I had up to 60 carbs, I splurged, 1.3 servings of ramen (35.1), Carrot (6), Broccoli (4), Beef (0), Sesame Oil (0), and 8 oz. of Milk (14) for a total of 59.1 carbohydrates and 717 calories.

I decided that I deserved to have my second piece of fruit, especially as I had purchased a watermelon on Wednesday before I found out that my fruit would be restricted. As I had had very little of my peach I allowed myself to have a full cup of diced watermelon as an evening snack. It contained 11.5 carbs and 46 calories.

All in all for the day I consumed 1428 calories. Does that not quite seem like enough to you? It seems like a pretty good weight-loss plan to me, but am I supposed to be losing weight? Once again I wondered if I should be upping my meat intake? I am pretty sure I shouldn't be drowning everything in oil. At my first Prenatal Visit I told my Doctor that I didn't want to gain 60 pounds this time, I would be happy with 40. I asked how many calories per day she thought I should be consuming and she told me that I should try to get about 2000 per day, this has worked well and my total weight gain over the pregnancy has been pretty much equal to 1 pound per week, right on target for a 40 pound weight gain. Don't get me wrong, I will not be sad if I lose weight over the next 8 weeks, but it just feels weird that it is even a possibility.

As for my little Butterball, he seems quite happy. He pokes and kicks and I think he even tickles me sometimes. He doesn't seem to be concerned by my lack of calories, which makes me think that he must still be getting enough. I am planning on going without an epidural during the delivery and so I am hoping that my strict adherence to the low carb diet and hopefully my ability to keep my blood sugar under control will keep him from getting too big. Little J was 7 and a 1/2 pounds, just about perfect I think, so hopefully little butterball won't get too far past 8 pounds.

I have hired a Doula to help Ken and I through the labor process, she did make me aware of the possibility that my doctor could want to induce me a week or 2 early, I really don't want to be induced. For one thing, I have heard that induction can cause more painful contractions, and my second reason for not wanting to be induced is that I want this to be as natural of an experience as possible, I want the baby to come when he is good and ready to come into the world. Our Doula told us not to worry about it, if we have to be induced it will be OK and she and Ken will both be there to help me do what I need to do, whenever the baby comes.

And my final thoughts for today! YEAH! I know I have been a little long winded, but I have a lot to say. Anyway. I have a pretty good family history of Type 2 Diabetes. In fact it is a strong enough history that most of my physicians have told me I will someday be a diabetic. I have high hopes of postponing the onset of that disease, but that hinges on me losing weight and keeping it off. I asked Ken on Wednesday night if he thought that I would be able to make the changes I need to make now, while dealing with Gestational Diabetes, and then continue to eat this way after the baby is born and possibly be able to lose the weight I need to lose in order to delay the onset of Type 2 Diabetes. I don't remember his exact answer, but basically it was something like "Well, it couldn't hurt". Today I was on the Internet trying to come up with different things I can eat right now, (I don't want to eat the same thing every day, that is boring) and I came across the statistic that Women who have Gestational Diabetes are 60% more likely to eventually have Type 2 Diabetes. So maybe, this is just one more thing, one more reason for me to make the necessary changes, lose the weight, (I need to get down to about 140-145) and stay healthy for longer in my life. That is my last thought. I think someone out there is trying to tell me something. I want to tell that someone that I hear them, I will try my best.