Sunday, January 3, 2010
A Sister Apart
I need help. I have a conundrum, or at least it feels like a conundrum to me.
I work with the Children at Church. To be specific I am the Primary Chorister, which means that I lead the children in singing and I teach them new songs to prepare them for their "Children's Sacrament Meeting Presentation", aka, the Primary Program, each year. And it really does take all year to learn all the songs. I love it. I absolutely would cry and possibly go into a deep depression if I were to be told that I couldn't do it anymore. There are lots of reasons, but mostly I love the music and I love the children, yes it can be frustrating at times but the majority of the time it is AMAZING. If you ever want to feel how much God and Jesus Christ love us, sit for a while in a room full of children who are singing about their love of God, their love of our Savior and their knowledge that God and Christ truly love them. It is amazing. So I love it. I really really do.
But recently I have felt a little alone. I don't feel like I really know the people at church anymore. I have been away from the Women for so long that I don't know what is going on. I don't feel like I am missing out spiritually, after all I get to hear 2-4 talks and 2 Gospel Centered lessons each Sunday, I feel the Spirit of the Lord and I know that the things being taught to the children that I spend my Sundays with are true. What I miss is hearing the good news that the Adult Sisters in the congregation want to share with each other, and I miss hearing about their personal experiences, their struggles and their triumphs. I feel like a Sister Apart, I feel kind of like I am on a mission or an extended trip away from home and no one is writing to me about what is going on in their lives. It is sad.
I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, I got an Assistant Chorister! The plan was that she and I would switch off and every other month we would each have the chance to attend Relief Society (Women's Meetings) at Church. I looked forward to hearing and sharing Good News. I looked forward to Sitting next to Christy, because I miss sitting next to her. I looked forward to getting to know the 50 or 100 new Sisters that have joined our congregation over the past 16 months.
Today was the first day that my Assistant- aka, partner in crime- came to Primary. After the Meetings were over one of our sweet smiling leaders came over to talk to us. She told us that she wanted to let us know what the expectation for our partnership would be. One of us would handle Singing Time each month and the other would take care of all the other songs, Opening, Welcoming New Children, Birthday Songs, etc, and each month we would switch. This was a very interesting idea but not the one I had in mind so I told them my idea, that Yes, we could switch off months but with one of us handling all of the Chorister duties while the other was allowed to attend the Adult Sunday School and Relief Society Classes. The Smile on my face must have been huge! The answer was a quick no. Primary workers need to stay in Primary. My smile faded.
I will do what I am asked and I think I will like it, it makes sense and will help me from feeling like I am constantly standing up to lead a song and wondering what impromptu song I will be asked to lead next. It is a very well thought out plan, but it hurts that my plan was shot down so easily. For a few moments I felt like I had been placed in a cage. I really did. I felt kind of like a criminal, my crime was thinking outside the box, or thinking that I wanted to be outside the Primary Room.
So what do I do now. How do I get to know the Ladies at Church better? Do I ask for all the Good News that is shared to be written down and emailed to me? Maybe there could be a rule that all new People at church have to come into the Primary and introduce themselves? Or a Church Directory that has a little Bio and a Picture of each member? I am at a loss.
I do know that I will happily lead the children in song for as long as I am allowed too, and I know that God will bless me for that service. Who knows what else will happen. I just hope that I figure out the answer to my conundrum soon, that or I just get over this feeling of being out of the loop.
P.S. I looked up the definition of conundrum.... and I hope the answer is not a pun, though being married to Ken, if he answers it, it just might be one.