400th post- the WORST MORNING EVER!

 Yesterday afternoon little B was pitching a FIT! I was trying to make dinner and so I passed him off to his father. It's hard to make waffles and vanilla syrup and the perfect omelet while holding a 30 pound Angel, it's really hard. So yeah, I gave up and gave him to his father and soon he was passed out cold on his daddy's lap.

Eventually I was able to get dinner on the table and we all enjoyed it! Both boys were still fussier than usual and by the time they were in bed, an hour or so later, I had a head ache and was feeling kind of fussy myself. 

Ken and I were able to get to bed at a decent hour, but then it started, J woke up and needed to be tucked back in, B was crying, J woke up again, and again. Ken helped him get back in bed the 2nd and 3rd times. When Ken came back in the room after the 3rd visit from J he told me that J had thrown up, but he now had clean sheets and new pajamas. I wondered out loud of B wasn't just fussing, but rather, if he was sick as well. I have a sympathetic gag reflex- and so Ken went to check on B. I followed after him because B's cries had become much louder, Sure enough, little B was sick too. 

Ken stripped B down, and I pulled all of the bedding out of his crib and we started a load of sicky wash. I covered the couch with blankets and Ken brought B and I a bowl (hopefully I would be able to catch anything B wanted to share in the bowl- and I did!) for 2 hours B and I watched TV, then I cleared the guest bed of the sorted little boy clothes and B and I tried to sleep, we eventually succeeded- right around the time Ken left for work.

I kept dreaming the same dream, that I came up the stairs to check on J and found the front door open and J  gone. This picture is a very accurate representation of my dream-

 I woke up twice with this image in my mind and went upstairs to check no J. At 7 he was still fast asleep, and I was tired but afraid to move B into my bed (for fear he would wake up) so instead I turned on the lights to the stairs and turned on the TV in the basement (where the guest room/nursery is) and hoped that the sound of the TV and the lights would lead J down there if he happened to wake up before I did. Then I climbed back into the guest bed with my little B. I woke up an hour later after having the dream of the open door again, I realized that the TV was on but silent, it was paused, I hurried upstairs but this time my horrible dream had come true. The door was open and J was gone.

I ran outside. I screamed his name, but I knew I couldn't scream loud enough. My J was missing. I was so scared, I ran to the park behind our house. He wasn't there. I screamed for him. I remembered B, who had already fallen off the queen size bed once this morning. I couldn't leave him there alone. I ran down and got him and as I came back up the stairs I heard my phone ringing. It was one of our neighbors, for some reason the phone wouldn't let me answer the call, but I knew she was calling to tell me J was at her house so I ran over there. No luck, she had seen me running around screaming J's name and wanted to know if I had lost him and if she could help. I gave her my baby B and she got him settled in with her kids, I took off running to the biggest park in the neighborhood and she went to other way.

He wasn't at the big park, there was a tarp and some trash over by a fence, I ran over to it and lifted it up, he wasn't there. I was scared out of my mind. I needed to call 911. I ran home screaming his name. I checked the park behind our house one more time. No luck, I headed home to check all the rooms again, maybe I had missed one, maybe he had moved and fallen asleep in a different room. As I came around the corner I saw my neighbor headed up our street and then I heard her say something like "He's home, he is in your house, I can see him at your door" I got to the door and there he was, standing behind the glass front door. I started to cry. I asked him if he had been there the whole time and then I saw another neighbor in my house. 

He had woken up and gone into my room, but I wasn't there. He looked around the silent main floor of our house and got very scared. He left and went to his favorite neighbors house. He knocked and rang the door bell and knocked until someone answered ( I had thought about checking there, but they are late sleepers and so I didn't think they would answer their door) He told the neighbor that he couldn't find his Mommy and he was scared. She called me, but the phones were upstairs and I couldn't hear them downstairs- and I was still asleep. Eventually when I didn't call back she walked over to find our house empty and the door wide open. That's when I showed up. I was ready to call 911 and explain that sometime in the last hour my 4 year old had wandered out of my house and was lost. I was so afraid I would never see him again. He told me he was very scared too.

All the excitement, and the horrible sick night of sleep took it's toll on J. At about 10 AM he told me he was tired and he got into bed and feel asleep.

When he wakes up we are going to go buy one

 of these and I am going to install it immediately.

Before J's impromptu nap I bathed the little sickies, while I was helping J get down for his nap B discovered my laptop and got down to work. I just had to share that picture, it was too cute.

 SO- anyway- judge me if you must. I lost my child. I should have listened to the dream the first or second time. I should have woken up the baby and moved him upstairs or taken the time to clean up his crib enough to feel good about putting him back in it. I should have protected my little J a little better, a little more. But I didn't, I can't change that, I didn't and so I  have suffered through the WORST MORNING EVER. I know that angels watch over my babies, and God takes good care of them but I am still crying thinking about how close I came this morning to losing my J. He's awake now, so I guess we should all get dressed and go buy our new flip lock.

On a side note, I ran around a lot, with no shoes on this morning, and my knee felt great, maybe I should become a bare foot runner? hmmmmmm. Nope. Also, J is sitting on my lap, pointing at the flip lock telling me "that lock scares me, so much! I don't want that in my house". My heart is broken, sorry J, we are getting that lock, for all of our sake's.