Birthday Week 2013 Part 1

We have Sunday dinner at my parents house every week, and when there are birthdays, we celebrate!

Ken got this beautiful "Ute" car window sticker from my sister and brother in law :) They know him so well.

 I made a Fabulous Dinosaur cake- it was lime flavored, the kids were more excited to eat the decorations- spots made of thin mints, m & m's and chocolate chips and spines made from Hershey's kisses.

On Sunday we were showered with perfect gifts- I've been enjoying my new running clothes all week :) and J has been fixing everything around our house with his new, WORKING, drill/power screwdriver, as well as playing a perfect pirate. Pirate pictures will come in the next post.

 Two days later it was my birthday and Ken bought me new shoes! (He got some new shoes as well, but I think mine are cuter)

The boys saw me taking a picture of my feet and so they thought they should also take pictures of their feet. Aren't B's feet cute? I think they are.

Our Birthdays were fabulous- we celebrated for  more than a week. The Brick Oven- a local pizza restaurant- offers free meals to 3-12 year old kids, so we went out to dinner with my Parents and my Sister and her family- one of my Sisters daughters and J share the same birthday, my niece is a year older than J. Ken took me out to dinner on my birthday and then later in the week we went to Baskin Robins to get our free birthday cones. It's pretty safe to say that I haven't lost any weight in the past 2 weeks. Apparently we eat when we celebrate, and we are really good at celebrating

New (to us) Bed for our Birthdays

A few months ago I told Ken that I wanted a bed- a head board/ foot board combo type of bed. I've always been partial to sleigh beds. We went shopping and found a couple of options but we never bought anything and getting a bed got pushed to the back burner. 

Then earlier this week I happened to see a post on a local yard sale site that announced the sale of a sleigh bed for $100, considering the other beds we had been looking at were $500-$800 dollars I hoped that Ken would feel like this was a good. I was the first person to express interest in the bed, I was able to get a couple of pictures of it and after just a couple of minutes of explaining to Ken that I found a bed and it was only $100......he said it was a good deal and agreed that we should get it. 

So on Thursday we borrowed my Dad's truck and went to pick up our new bed. I've been a little tired this week (there is something about Daylight Savings Time that KILLS me) and so I wasn't quite ready to set up the bed yet and it sat in our front room in pieces for a little over a day. But today- We put it together! Ken and I are a pretty good team and this time J even helped out.

 I just couldn't help myself, it's my beautiful bed!

The completely finished product, J loves it. He especially loves that he can crawl under it much more easily than he could with the old bed frame. J got stuck under our bed a few weeks ago- the old bed frame was not only just plain not tall enough for him to fit all the way through, but his clothes got stuck on one of the middle bars. He was not a happy boy that day. Today on the other hand, he climbed through easily and when he popped out the other side he said "This is my NEW TIME TUNNEL!!!!" 

Oh, and I forgot to mention, when we picked the bed up I was telling Ken how happy I was that we were able to find such a nice, pretty bed for such a good price and Ken said "Happy Birthday!" He gives the best presents.

Mommy, Have you ever heard of a Cheese Bag?

Yesterday afternoon J and I had this conversation

"Guess what? I just got some fabric from Grandma, so tomorrow we can make some Bean Bags!"
"Mommy, have you ever heard of a Rice Bag?"
"Yes, we have a few of those."
"Yep, but they are way up high" (I keep them in the cupboard above the microwave, because we use them as heating pads)
After a pause....
"Mommy, Have you ever heard of a SUGAR BAG?!?!?!?!?"
"No. I don't think that's a real thing" (In my mind I'm picturing J sucking on the corner of a fabric bag filled with sugar. I'm pretty sure that's what he was picturing too.)

Fast forward to this morning.
"Okay J, lets all get dressed and then we will go make our Bean Bags!" (yes, it really is that exciting)
"Mommy, have you ever heard of a CHEESE BAG?!?!?!?!?!"
"Um......no. Yeah. No those don't exist"

That's my boy. He usually makes life very fun. Sometimes he gets so frustrated with me that I have to put myself into time out- that happened today too.

I decided that I did want to make bean bags BUT it's beautiful outside today. And so I multitask-ed. I took the boys little table out to our front porch, it was the perfect height for sewing while I sat on the front steps and there is a perfectly placed electrical outlet out there too. So we spent an hour or more outside while I sewed, filled and finished sewing 15 bean bags. Now we are set......to play bean bag games!

The Dance

Two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes you spin around wildly, other times you make slow, deliberate movements. That's the dance. That is life. There are probably some people who watch our dances and think "WHAT in the WORLD is this supposed to be?" and there may be others who think that our dances are the most beautiful things they have ever seen. This is what I've been thinking about today. We all have our own story and each of our dances look a little different and hopefully, we all feel that our own dance is beautiful.

Dancing is hard work, it's painful at times but it's also exhilarating. If we focus on the pain or how hard it is, we will probably give up long before we become very good at dancing. But if we enjoy the exhilaration and if we allow ourselves to laugh at our mistakes and missteps we will discover that we are stronger and we can keep moving, keep dancing for as long as we need and want to dance.

As that one song says (sorry I don't know the name, but we've all heard it), I hope you dance! I hope I dance, I want to dance in the rain and in the sunshine. I want to live a full and fulfilling life, and I think I am, even though sometimes I have to just focus on taking two steps forward.

Right now, if you could see my dance, I think you would say "Wow, this dance is about hope!" I have a lot of hope right now. I don't have a ton of energy, and everything in my life and home isn't perfect, but it's good enough for me, it's great for right now. I'm dancing my dance. I'm recognizing tiny blessings, tender mercies and I am doing my best to keep the faith. It feels good.

Here are some of the exhilarating parts of my dance right now. Winter- not so much, I'm not a big fan of winter BUT I'm enjoying running so much that I could care less that it's cold and snowy outside.

And my boys have been making my life super fun lately. Ken is included in "my boys" even though I don't have a picture of any of his recent antics. This is what it B looks like after he enjoys a big plate of spaghetti with meat sauce.

Our J also enjoyed his spaghetti but he uses a fork so he is much less messy after such a yummy meal. BUT he also LOVES to have his picture taken :) so we took it.

More pictures will come soon!

Looks like we missed February.....oops

Just thought I'd let you know, I'm doing okay. Yes, I didn't blog about anything for the entire month of February, but I think that's forgivable and since February and February is kind of a BLAH month.

We had a fabulous Valentines day around here. Ken was in charge of planning it and he did a great job. We went to dinner at a local restaurant called "Porter's Place", they serve a drink there called Ironport- which is a soft drink from the early part of the 20th century, and yes, that's pretty much why we went there. Ken had never tried it. We decided that Ironport tastes like a fruity and slightly peppery root beer. We had other food, but I think the highlight was the Ironport. They have a lunch counter at Porters Place with seats made of old tractor seats. I want take the boys there for an ice cream sundae and let them sit at the counter. I think they would love it- SO- sometime in the future, when this want becomes a reality, you will see some pretty cute pictures of us at Porter's Place. Back to Valentines, after dinner Ken gave me several options of what we could do next. A Movie was on the list but I was tired and pretty sure I would fall asleep, so I chose the "Let's go to Barnes and Nobel and buy Jeff Wheeler's newest book" option. Well, Barnes and Nobel was offering the book online but they didn't have it at the store (are you interested in reading a good book- or MANY GOOD BOOKS- You can buy any and all of Jeff's books on Amazon, check them out here) We've since picked up a copy online. After the book store we headed over to the Mall, WHERE I was a winner, and by winner I mean I remembered I had a gift card to Maurice's YAY I was able to get a cute sweater and some hair flowers there and I found a cute white button up shirt on clearance at Forever XXI. Ken sure knows how to plan a good Valentines date :)

I've been running and I'm right on track to be prepared for the Utah Valley Half Marathon in June. I can pretty easily run 5 or 6 miles and I am really happy with my speed. I've been trying hard to avoid injury and in December and February I actually decided to move a little slower with my training (I decided to stay at a certain distance for a week or two longer rather than moving on and adding distance in my training every week) And I am very pleased with what I've been able to accomplish. I feel good, I feel healthy. I've been trying to watch what I'm eating, more veggies, less sweets AND guess what? I've lost a few pounds too. So yeah, I feel good :) I was going to put a picture of me covered in snow after a run....but I can't find the camera :(

February was also the end of our 3 months of healing after the miscarriage and D&C in November. So, that means we have high hopes for getting (and staying) pregnant. I've been wondering if I'm emotionally strong enough to do this, to try. I've thought, I've prayed, I've searched the internet.....and then prayed some more. I went to the temple yesterday and I can truly say, and I hope I always remember, that I trust God, I trust in his plan, and whatever happens, well, it happens. I have high hopes that happy things will happen, but if they don't it's not because we haven't prepared and most definitely not because we aren't worthy of such blessings. Ken and I have a wonderful little family, we have faith and we have love to give and we hope that we will be able to have more children. But if not, we will be okay, we are blessed with a wonderful life and we will continue to have a wonderful life. That said- any prayers you are willing to offer on our behalf would be greatly appreciated.

So, that's February. We are happy and excited for March! YAY!

The Struggle with Loss

It's amazing to me how I can be going along, minding my own business  feeling pretty great and then WHAM something happens and I react to that something in a very nonsensical way. I mean, I consider myself to be a very sane and normal person, yet my reactions can sometimes be crazy. Well, I know and I hope other people know too, that I'm not crazy, I'm just dealing with loss. I'm glad that I'm able to recognize these feelings and I hope that in the future I will be forgiving and much more caring towards others who are struggling with their own losses, whatever those losses may be.

Yesterday I had my own little pity party for a while. It was horrible. It hurt. It was just for me. Why? Because I was asked not to bring my children to the blessing of my nephew. It was a perfectly reasonable request, it is flu season after all and this nephew of mine will be just a few day old on the day of his blessing and we should try to limit the amount of germs with which he will be brought into contact. Easiest way to limit germs- limit kids! That's right. Understandable and perfectly reasonable. But my kids are kind of like my teddy bears right now, they are a bit like my security blanket. They are proof that I was once able to make beautiful babies and I guess the thought of not having that proof with me while being around a brand new beautiful baby, well it kind of broke my heart. My first reaction was "Well, if my children aren't welcome then I am not going, Ken can represent us" and then I realized that my reaction was a poor one and I found a place for my children to be while Ken and I attended our nephew's blessing. But that didn't help my heartache, heartache is just something I get to figure out how to live with.

I think what confused me the most about this situation was how quickly I went from feeling fine, feeling on top of it, to feeling as though I was drowning and no one was trying to save me. Picture yourself in a small boat out on the open ocean.This is your life. Sometimes the water is calm, sometimes storms rage, but you have your boat and you know you will make it through safely. You may get wet, sometimes you may not feel like you are headed in the right direction, but, day in day out, you have your boat. Now, imagine that for some unknown reason you lose your boat. Most days the water is calm and you are very good at floating. You also know how to tread water, so you are okay when the water gets a little choppy. You are tired, but your head is above water, and that is really all you can ask for. You are grateful for everyday you can keep your head above water. Stormy days teach you that you are strong, you may find yourself below water a few times during a storm but you probably also saw the storm coming and you were prepared to fight a little harder to keep your head up above the surface. Eventually you know you will find your boat again, you will be dry and you will be able to rest. Eventually.

Most days I feel like I can see my boat, I'm even sometimes able to cling to it's side. Yesterday morning I felt great, it was a clinging to the side of the boat kind of day, then I got hit by the rouge wave of grief. It might have been the first rouge wave I've dealt with- because it threw me for a loop. I wasn't prepared. I don't know how I could have been prepared. I am grateful that I was able to find my bearings and follow the bubbles to the surface of the water.........and start treading again. As grateful as I am, I'm also tired. I want my boat back.

So, that's a little glimpse into my head, I'm guessing that my struggle is not to different from anyone who is dealing with loss. We all know people who are dealing with different kinds of loss. Heartache and heartbreak come in so many different forms. People I love have different losses than I do but they are just as painful and hard to deal with as mine. Whether it be loss of a marriage, loss of the ability to have children, loss of health, loss of a job or any other loss, all of these things have the ability to spin us around and make us lose our bearings, maybe even capsize our boats and force us to tread water for a while. I hope and pray that I can give the love and support that my loved ones need should they ever find that their boat has gone missing. I hope I can help them keep their heads above water. I hope I can remember that they aren't crazy, they are just normal, precious people, struggling with loss.

And those are my thoughts for today. I think today is going to be a better day, even if it is a treading water kind of day.

Why prayer is important to me

I am grateful that I was taught to pray as a child. I don't remember how or when really, but I do know that by the time I was a teenager I felt it was important to pray. Over the years I had enough experiences with prayer to know that there was a power there, I knew that God was there, he heard my prayers and he answered me. A friend of mine, she and I served as missionaries together, made a comment in a church class today about how one of her missionary companions had told her that she felt her burdens lifted through prayer, she then turned to my sister (who happens to attend church at the same congregation) and confirmed that yes, it was me, Kate. My sister said she suspected it was me. I guess I must talk about prayer a lot. That got me thinking, maybe I should talk about prayer some more.

I was 19 when I gained my testimony of prayer. I'd been saying my prayers for years, as most of us did as children, but at this point in my life I really needed to know if God was there and if he knew who I was. I got an answer quite quickly. I knew God heard my prayers and so I kept praying. My faith was strengthened through that experience and looking back on it now some of the experiences I had in the days and weeks that followed were truly miracles. Miracles given as answers to my prayers. I remember laying awake at night with pains in my legs, knees, hips and ankles, I remember praying, begging for the pain to go away and it did! Seriously- no pain medication, just prayer. I still find that amazing. That burden that was keeping me awake, was gone. It may not be a huge thing, but at the time, it was important to me. Later that year I got my first real job. I worked at the customer service desk at Fred Meyer. This scared me a little because there was the possibility of people trying to return things that they hadn't purchased. I prayed everyday before I walked into work, I prayed for guidance and protection. I worked hard at that job and I felt like I did a good job. I transferred to a different store about 9 months later and I had to turn a key into the security office on my last day. I was surprised when the head of the stores security told me that he was sad to see me leave the store. He told me that I was one of his best resources. He gave two reasons, one- bad things just didn't seem to happen when I was around and two-the returns/names that I flagged as being questionable, usually were. I knew that I felt comfortable doing my job but what he had just told me reinforced to me that my prayers had been answered in ways that not only I felt, but other people noticed and appreciated. I wasn't an amazing store security officer, I was a customer service girl who was receiving the guidance she had prayed for and apparently protection too- because like he said, bad things just didn't seem to happen when I was around. From this I learned that God cares about me and my day, if it is something that I care about, then it's something that he cares about. I hope that my children learn this early in their lives, because it has meant the world to me.

I don't want to give the wrong impression. I am not a great spiritual prayerful powerhouse. I know that I still need to improve with my daily prayers. Most of the time I feel like my prayers are more like quick emails to God, letting him know that I'm grateful for what I have and that I need some other stuff. Yep, not the best. I don't think I am alone in this. I think it's a very human thing. I heard something last year that I am hoping to be able to truly incorporate into my prayers, but as yet I haven't always remembered to try. And that would be to think of my prayers as a conversation and pause every once and a while to let God be part of that conversation. I don't feel condemned because I've not yet been able to make this change, I know that God still hears and answers my prayers, even if they are more like quick voice-mails or texts sometimes.

Now, knowing that I have had burdens lifted as answers to my prayers. Knowing that I have received peace, comfort, healing and guidance when I asked my Heavenly Father for those things in prayer. Understanding that I haven't received every blessing I've ever prayed for, and sometimes the answers I received, the blessings I was given were things that I never expected, even the exact opposite of what I had prayed for. But I can truly say, I've always been given what I needed- even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted or needed. Recognizing those things today, I realized that I've come to know God, my Father in Heaven, through prayer. As I thought about this today I felt so amazing, I felt so grateful. Life is hard, but I KNOW I am not alone.

This week I read something that made me sad, it was a post on a pregnancy and infant loss group site that of which I am a member. A woman told about how she cringes when her friends tell her that they will pray for her and she wonders what good their prayers will do because she is mad at God and they are praying to the God who stole her baby from her. I was sad because this is not the God I know. She and I have two very different experiences, but I hope and pray that she will come to realize God hasn't stolen her child, that he has prepared a way for her to be able to be with her child forever AND that he wants to be able to give her the comfort and healing she needs now, in this life, when she is ready to accept it. I don't know her and I didn't feel it would be appropriate for me to say anything to her, but I will pray for her as well and I hope that  at some point her pain will ease and she will find peace and healing. I am so amazingly grateful for prayer, I am grateful that I was able to pray and find comfort so many times during this past year.

And there you have it, just a little bit, about why prayer is important to me.